Recently, I experienced a rather special transformation in my mindset. I decided to let go of my QQ account that I had used for many years and start anew with a smaller account.
Changing Accounts = Letting Go of the Past?#
My main account had accumulated too many "historical issues"—acquaintances, relationships, chat records—like a thick file folder filled with my past self.
People change, but the main account always reminds me: you have changed, but others may not understand you. This feeling made me increasingly anxious.
So I simply switched to a smaller account, and the result was quite refreshing. Yes, there were no constraints, no past "persona," and what I welcomed was a more casual and authentic way to express myself. It was this sense of authenticity that gradually led me to meet people I could truly connect with. That ease felt like shedding chains that had bound me for many years.
New Identity = New Social Circle?#
However, as time went by, the smaller account slowly became a new "main account," and I even cleared out hundreds of friends from the old account. To be honest, as I deleted them, I was also thinking: among all those people I added back then, how many were truly important?
Gradually, I understood that socializing shouldn't be a numbers game, but rather about whether there is genuine resonance.
Strangely, just when I thought the smaller account would bring new ease, anxiety returned. I was still exhausted, still consuming myself in relationships. Sometimes I even doubted whether I had lost my "social skills." The initial sense of freedom was gone, replaced by a deeper fatigue. It seemed that no matter what account I switched to or what identity I took on, the inner issues still followed me.
Avoidance? Or Reincarnation?#
Dramatically, the smaller account was inexplicably banned. Reluctantly, I returned to the old "abandoned" main account. When I reopened the friend list, I suddenly realized that perhaps changing accounts was never the cure for my problems. What I truly needed to face was myself.
I tried to re-add the truly important friends from the smaller account, rebuilding those once meaningful connections. But during this process, I noticed that my mindset seemed to change again. Was this change a new adaptation? I didn't know, it felt as easy as when I initially abandoned the main account.
Perhaps the significance of changing accounts lies not in avoiding the past, but in continuously seeking and defining a state that truly suits oneself. The switch between the main and smaller accounts allowed me to see many things clearly and taught me to accept my changes. I cannot predict what will happen in the future, but at least now I begin to understand that a change in identity cannot cure inner anxiety; only by truly facing my inner self can I find balance and peace.
This is my journey, a story of seeking myself within online identities, and this story will continue to be written...
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